Cat Scientist

Can't stop laughing...

Chinese In 5 Minutes

Overacting

Every time I see this, a big smile flashes across my face...

Power Of The Common Man

Joke Of The Day

I broke off with my gym.

We were just not working out!

LOL!!!

Shayari

Arzz kiya hai
Agar tum white sari aur red bindi pehenke saamne aaogi
Toh maa kasam
Ambulance lagogi :)

Cut And Paste

A blonde went to the electronics shop and angrily threw her new laptop on the desk, furious that she had been cheated.  I cannot even transfer a file from my previous laptop, she screamed.

Salesman: Madam, can you please try in front of me.

This is what she did...

1) Right clicked the mouse on the file which she wanted to transfer and selected CUT option.

2) Disconnected the mouse from that PC.

3) Took that mouse carefully and connected it to the other PC where she wanted to copy that file.

4) Right clicked the mouse and selected the PASTE option.

When she turned around, the salesman had fainted.

Password Rules

Santa gave a secret password for e-banking "ram-sita-laxman-hanuman-jamwant-delhi-spiderman"


Banta-Yaar! Itna lamba password??

Santa- Kya karoon? Bank wale kehte hai ki password main 5 character, 1 capital aur ek special character zaroori hai!

Exercise

God Is On FB

Boy asked god, "Why she loves rose which dies in a day. But doesn't love me, who dies for her every day?"

God replied, "Mast hai! Facebook pe dal ...!"

Classifieds

MONDAY:

For sale - Vishvanth has a sewing machine for sale, Phone 98765xxxxx after 7PM and ask for Mrs Mani who lives with him cheaply.

TUESDAY:
Notice: We regret having erred in Vishvanth's ad yesterday. It should have read, "One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 98765xxxxx and ask for Mrs Mani, who lives with him after 7PM."

WEDNESDAY:
Notice: Vishvanth has informed us that he has received several annoying telephone calls because of the error we made in the classified ad yesterday. The ad stands correct as follows: "For sale- Vishvanth has a sewing machine for sale; Cheap. Phone 98765xxxxx after 7PM and bargain for Mrs. Mani who loves with him.

THURSDAY:
Notice: I, Vishvanth, have no sewing machine for sale. I smashed it. Don't call 98765xxxxx as I have had the phone disconnected. I have not been loving with Mrs. Mani. Until yesterday, she was my housekeeper but she quit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Secret Of A Successful Marriage

Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary. They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their period of 25 years. Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well-known "happy going marriage".


Editor: "Sir. It's amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible?"

Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said: "We had been to Shimla for honeymoon after marriage. Having selected the horse riding finally, we both started the ride on different horses. My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one.

On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over. Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse's back and said "This is your first time". She again climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again. This time she again kept calm and said "This is your second time" and continued. When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took out the revolver from the purse and shot the horse dead !!

I shouted at my wife: "What did you do you psycho. You killed the poor animal. Are you crazy?" .

She gave a silent look and said: "This is your first time!!!"."

Persistence

Part 1
A parrot goes to a shopkeeper and asks ... 'Aam hai kya?'
The shopkeeper says ... 'Nahi. Hum Aam nahi bechte.'
Next day at the same time, the parrot goes again and asks him ...'Aam hai kya ?'
He gets a little irritated and says... 'Aare Bola na, Hum 'Aam nahi Bechte'
On the third day, the parrot goes again and asks him 'Aam hai kya ?'
He gets wild and yells ...'Bola na naahi. Abhi vapas aaya to tumhare sar ke upar hathoda marunga '
The next day,the parrot comes again and asks him ..'hathoda hai kya?'
The shopkeeper says ... 'Nahi'
The parrot then asks ... 'Aam hai kya ?'

Part-2
The next day parrot again goes to shopkeeper and asks "Aam hai kya??"
The shopkeeper is ready now....
He quickly pulls a hammer and hitz the parrot on the face.
The parrot looses all his teeth
But determined, parrot again goes 2 the shopkeeper next day n asks


"AAM KA JUICE HAI KYA???"-

Joke For The Day: Smart Answer!

My watchman was drinking on duty.

I asked him why ?

He said security has to be tight !!!

Alternate Meanings!

An article going around the net claims that The Washington Post recently published a contest for readers in which they wereasked to supply alternate meanings for various words. While the Washington Post has declined any association with this, the words themselves are hilarious!

Check it out for yourself:
Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
Bustard (n.), a very rude Metrobus driver.
Carcinoma (n.), a valley in California, notable for its heavy smog.
Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
Frisbetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
Marionettes (n.), residents of Washington, D.C., who have been jerked around bythe mayor.
Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
Semantics (n.), pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood, including such things as gluing the pages of the priest's prayer book together just before vespers.
Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent

Apparently, Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are the winners:

Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining sex. 
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very high.
Glibido: All talk and no action.
Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously.
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like a serious bummer.
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the reader who doesn't get it.

Aamsutra

Dear Katrina Kaif,


Its just a mango drink, not mango flavored condoms. Take it easy girl..!!!

Joke Of The Day

Why was Aurangzeb not able to find Shivaji?

Because he was Mughal, not Google!

I'm Dangerous

I know Kung Fu, Taekwondo and 34 other dangerous words

Joke For The Day: Chinese Maal

Jackie Chan's wife dies 1 year after marriage.
Santa tries to console Jackie but is not sure what to say.
Suddenly blurts, 'Hota hai yaar...Chinese thi, aur kitna chalti..'

LOL

Joke For The Day

A class 6 boy proposes to a class 10 girl.

Boy: I love you.
Gal: Stupid I'm elder than you.
Boy: I'm madly in love with you.
Gal: Get lost
Boy: Didi plzz...plzzz didi....

LOL LOL