Do you know who's the easiest to fool? It's yourself. Most people say, you can fool everyone but yourself. Trust me, that's a myth.
Remember this: The easiest person to fool is yourself!
Yes, I know there is intuition. Yes, I know your inner voice, your inner mind, your subconscious, always steps in and tells you what is right and what is wrong, what the truth is. But remember, your subconscious, your inner mind works off data too. It learns, it sees patterns, it processes this and then makes it's decisions - as long as you feed it the right data, you can actually control your intuition and your subconcious.
So let me make it a little easier to say and admit - and actually feel better when you say it - it's always possible to harness your mind to make it think and believe what you want it to!
What implications does this have in our life? How can we harness this? Simple - train your mind to believe what you want to believe.
For example, what is love? It's a state of mind - it's how you feel. Do you really miss a person all the time? Can you really not live without a person? Can you really never every love again? The answer, surprisingly, is - depends on what you want it to be! The truth of the matter is - there is no one answer. Both a yes and a no is perfectly possible - it all depends on what you train your mind to feel! When we are in love, we tell ourselves things we want to be "true", because it's a state of mind we "like". We like saying, you are always in my mind, I miss you, and over time, that's what our mind starts believing! When we break up, our mind keeps reminding us what we trained it to tell us. Result? We miss our love, we feel upset, we cry. We don't want to live any more.
So what can we do? First, decide what you want! If you are not serious about getting over it, your mind will ensure it keeps reminding you how much you miss your ex, and you will forever be miserable. But if you want to get out and get a life, you can actually train (fool, if you want!) your mind to get rid of those "impressions" and "feelings". How? By feeding it the right data. Stop thinking of all the awesome times you spent together - that's not going to help you, babes! Think of all the hurt, the pain, the negatives - make sure your mind flushes it's cache, and replaces it with the "right" data.
What is God? You pray to an idol, you pray to a thought, you pray to an idea - and you tell your mind - when I do it, He will answer my prayers. What are you really doing? You are training your mind to feel the strength, you are "fooling" yourself into believing in God, and that is what gives you the strength. When you are sick, you can "fool" your mind, and your body into actually getting better! (There have been far too many medical studies that prove the effectiveness of placebos)
Are you playing with your feelings? Are you "fooling" yourself? No! Not at all! You are getting your life back!!!
The truth is what you want to believe. What is right and what is wrong is really for you to decide. What you want, is right, and what hurts you, is wrong. That's life!
Try it - it's all in the mind! And harnessing it is just about feeding it the right thoughts! Do you realise what a powerful tool you have, when you can feel, think and believe what you actually want?
20 comments:
or, in other words - sab maya hei.
If you ever feel in the mood to, check out some of UG Krishnamurti's writings - not for the faint hearted
See http://www.well.com/user/jct/ for example.
Hey, thanks for the comment, and the pointers - I am definitely interested in checking this out...
Awesome Post! It left me speechless and thinking.
Yes absolutely agreed and this is a lesson I learnt around 2 years back. Its upto me on what I wanna be!
You beleive what you want to beleive, twist realties to make sound like what you want to and that leads to some serious consequences and a difficult life :)
The best part about this whole thing is, you gotta excerise it in your day to day life and it tends to become a part of you, and then there are so many less hassles in live.
Going on a little tangent on love, most of us love to be in love. Most of the times its not getting over the person, its getting over the fact that there is no one in your life whom you can spend some good time. We miss the good times spent with that person and not really that person. Like you said - we miss being in that state of mind that makes us feel good.
I have so so much to say on this.. it will become another blog entry :), but this blog is right on.
Namita, you got that one sentence that I missed! We love to be in love, we do not miss the person, we miss the good times we spent with that person!
Bottom line is, if you want to get through a break up successfully, stop feeling sad and upset, stop thinking about all the good times you shared with that person at one time, and get a new life. Find a new friend, have some great times. Do not wallow in self-pity, and do not feel and act like a Devdas!
Well i don't agree to your point here. Its true that we love to be in love, but i dont agree taht you dont miss the person but you only miss the time you spend together with that person and If this is the case then i dont think you ever loved that person.
And if you dont feel upset or sad when you break up or anything like that, then its just a timepass not love. Finding new friend and just hanging around with them is not a option to get over it.
If you truly love someone then you can never forget that person. Its not so easy as it seems to be :)
Well everyone has different opinions. They are like hand watches, everyone's watch show differnt timings and everyone thinks that their timings are correct.
Amruta, you missed my point.
Firstly, we aren't talking about every person who is or has been in love - both Namita and I said "most of the times that's how it is", and I stand by this statement! Most love affairs are about two individuals who love the idea of being in love!
Secondly, it's not about the past, it's about the future. It's not about what the truth is, it's about what you want now! It's not about what could have happened if the dreams worked out, it's about accepting the reality, however sad, that the dreams have crashed, and you have to make the choice of crying over it, or getting on with your life.
And my point is, if you want to get over a break up, then stop feeling miserable, stop crying in self-pity, stop thinking of how awesome it could have been. Get real, and get a life. Because time will fly, and you will never get your lost time back again.
And to do that, you can actually train your mind - fool your mind, if that's how you want to put it!
And if you want to continue to live in the ruins of your crashed dream, sure, go ahead and keep telling yourself your love was true - but before that, just once, ask yourself - will that get your dreams back?
And one more thing, if the love is true, there can never be a break up. Trust me. There might be fights and arguments, but true love doesn't need to find replacements, true love doesn't find substitutes.
When you give up your "love" for ANY reason, that love ceases to have the right to call itself true.
Agree to it , being in love is an awesome feeling..But its not just about spending good times together ..When you break up its not just you miss spending good times together ..its far beyond that if you truely loved that person..But at the end its reality that matters "true love" just remains two words which you feel nice to say and believe..
That is my point, Prajakta - the question is, do I want to have two nice words to say and believe, or do I want to reclaim my life? I have the option to do both - the question is, what do I want to get out of it, and does the option I take help me get to where I want to go?
Losing a lover is probably the easiest - people lose hope, they lose their children (has to be the most difficult!), limbs, eye sight. And you can cry over it and waste the time and the life waiting for you, or train your mind to look at the positives and move on!
And trust me, except in the rarest of rare cases (of which I know none), atleast in matters of love, there is ALWAYS a positive to gain out of everything! Life doesn't have to stop because someone you "truly loved" decided to move on...
Again going on a tangent on the topic on the lbog to replying to what Amruta and Prajakta said - I agree that love to be in love is not the the case always, but love is about what 2 people share and feel towards each other. Well, that what i think :)
so, if you have one person, not feeling that way about the other person anymore, what can the second person do? I think they have primarily 2 choices:
1. Get upset about it for a very log period of their life and feel terrible miserable upset ...blah blah blah and miss a major part of their life like siddhesh said
OR
2. Get upset for sometime and then move on in life, because at the end of day, its your life and you choose to be either happy or unhappy.
Moving on, because the other person did, doesn't imply that your love for that person was not true!! Moving on means, the relationship probably is not as meaningful for one so the other needs to find happiness elsewhere rather than mulling over it to proove your true love.
Oh and btw, i personally feel, true love is something that makes people happy and be together and give the strength to be with each other than think, oh well i had true love at one time in my life and its gone.. if its gone, either you dint hang on it or it wasn't really what you believe it was.
Siddhesh, sorry for all the bhasan on your blog :P
Namita, I am glad to hear all you said - atleast one person feels the same way I do :)
The topic is interesting! But since, all comments here are on ove and losing it, here's my two cents on the "real topic":
Love I believe is an emotion that gives you peace and makes you feel complete. A lot goes into achieving that state. Conscious effort, absolute awareness and sensitivity towards the emotions and thoughts of your "partner". It's not something that happens "at first sight". That's mere attraction! But when you make such conscious efforts into making something work, making something beautiful, losing it is bound to hurt. Very much. But I think life is about making the most out of a situation. If you found someone worthy of your efforts, you Will find that someone worthy of their choices, their freedom and you Will be able to make peace with it and chose to walk away with what you can! And that could very well be a very dependable friendship .. Just a thought :)
Oh.. and linking my comment to this post - I don't believe in fooling the ind in matters of love. I think that's immature. Matters of the heart should not be dealt with from the mind. When you have love and lost, it's about acceptance and nothing else. Once you accept things, you don't need to fool yourself. You've survived all these years and you will in the future too. Don't fool yourself into believeing that you are weak enough to need mind games. The courage to love truly comes to few. People with such courage can survive through anything...
Accepting things is about letting your mind get back to reality - and to do that, you might just need to train it a bit!
Ok - so a long list of comments here. I personally feel the term "love" or "being in love" is overused, and in fact it should be very well reserved - use it sparingly - otherwise, it loses its value.
A breakup for me basically means that the two people were never meant to be together - in case of true love, the two people will always overcome all the fights and arguments. Anyway, you are in love truly when you consciously decide to accept that person - with his or her positives and negatives. And then you care about that person enough to not "break up" because of some arguments. So, I personally do not believe in the term "break up". That is too strong and harsh a word.
Fortunately or unfortunately though "moving on" happens at times - though I would still somewhere like to believe that it is not necessary.
Love has to be bi-directional. One sided love does not make any sense. In those cases - yes, you have to move on, accept that as the truth, and move on with self respect and be happy - "let go" in some sense.
This post isn't about what love is. It's about training the mind, and how you can make it (or fool it to) accept reality and move on, or continue "helping" it to make you miserable.
And as far as true love, I am not an authority on it, but I do believe that true love can change, just like everything else can change - for a variety of reasons, and not necessarily because someone is at fault.
Oh yes - the 13 or 14 comments on that blog made me think otherwise! :) Lets just say that comment of mine was on those 13 comments on your blog post.
About training the mind - yes, it is all about what you have in the mind. Whatever works - that is the funda, or should be the funda.
What about one sided love? You have to give up your one true love sometimes only because you are the only person who is in love in that twosome, and your feelings have not been reciprocated. It's a no....then what? It's tough to get over and fool your mind and train yourself to get over something like that. No good times were had. Just that you fell in love and the person never felt the same.
Ekta, so if you never had any "good times" as you said, and you still loved that person, maybe it is time to tell your mind that you can keep loving that person, and be romantic about it, and live the rest of your life that way. Or, you can condition to your mind to say, hey, come on, there's a big world out there, and maybe this wasn't even true love - maybe I just wanted to be loved by him, and maybe I am much better, maybe I will actually find someone who will reciprocate and show me what love truly is.
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