London Olympics (Boring) Opening Ceremony Live Updates

Cannot imagine a more uninspiring, boring opening ceremony to any event, leave alone the Olympics... while the Chinese stunned the world with the Asian might, and India overcame all odds to put up a stellar show at the CWG, the most hyped Olympics ever had an opening ceremony that could only be described in one word... BORING!

10 min after a completely amateur TV clip showing the Thames from the origin to the sea (what the heck was that???), and the ringing of a bell easily dwarfed in energy by a lowly Swiss cow, the "village" set up in the stadium had managed to showcase some very boring housewives throwing apples at each other, some bearded gentlemen playing cricket.. and some Shakespearean dialogues strutted by men in tall hats, while a stunned live and TV audience tried to come grips with this nonsense....

More to follow, if I care to write, and you care to read! Because we have nothing better to do at this unearthly hour!

Aaah, here's an update - it's a Danny Boyle creation! Danny, need some help from Indian urchins to liven up the ceremony, huh?

Now we have the British working hard to raise smoke belching chimneys while dozens of utensil banging musicians try and keep you awake from what is becoming an utterly astonishingly nonsensical opening ceremony. 15 mins now...

Is redemption coming any time soon?

Has the commentator fallen asleep too? Thank god, here's a commercial break - some action at last from Airtel's Manchester United Soccer School ad!

Is it just me utterly depressed right now? We actually let these guys rule us for centuries? Really? What were we thinking?

We now move on to more smoke and fire, the British have stopped playing cricket and moved on to melting iron while still wearing the tall hats.

Oh wow.. there's a Sardar playing the drums... maybe he can inject some Bhangara energy into the proceedings?

Guys, anyone volunteering to wake me up when they get on to some real interesting stuff? Oh, I missed mentioning... after all the foundry work, they did manage to get the Olympic rings throw some sparks from above... which obviously, got the O-so-British-upon-the-Thames all excited and clapping.

OK, now we are back to TV clips... and James Bond, for once, is chasing the Queen, not one of his scantily clad women. Well, don't forget the Queen's two faithful dogs (or were they royal bitches?). Among some very excited music, the chopper takes off (oh, let me not forget to mention here - this was probably shot a few weeks back!)

Ok, don't get me wrong guys (especially my UK brethren) - I love London, I love the UK countryside, Tea, Cricket... Enid Blyton, Famous Five... But seriously, is this the best you have got for us after all these years of preparation? Even Kalmadi, busy as he is, put up such an exciting show!

The commentator's laughing... is it a sign of fear of the Bond? Never has Her Majesty been introduced to her subjects like that, says he. And may I add, I say, never have any Olympics been introduced like this!

You know what would add some real zing to the ceremony? The Queen's speech.

No, I am wrong. Nothing can be better than the sight of dozens of children on hospital beds being wheeled into the stadium, while the guitar puts me to sleep, while I desperately fight to stay awake to bring you these (heart) breaking updates!

Aah, sick kids jumping on their hospital beds - this must really be what get the British going! Not to forget the Doctors dancing with the Nursing staff. Is that even LEGAL?

Must be, the Queen's watching, remember? :)

The commentator reminds us, remember, all aspects of British life and history being portrayed here, in this wonderful opening ceremony. And thankfully, ESPN takes a break to show some beautiful commercials.

I am almost beginning to wish the Famous Five weren't British - imagine they had to live through all this?? Poor George and Anne, poor Tim. Come to Danny Boyle's India, guys... even the street urchins playing in the shitpot are happier here!

Ok, we are back live... the nurses have gone mad (must've watched The Walking Dead), and some dark clothed demons with green eyes have taken over, until dozens of Mary Poppins come to kick them away with their oversized umbrellas. But hey, that gives the Doctors another shot at the nurses!

This must be a really bed, oops, I mean, bad time to fall sick in London - all the hospital beds seem to be at the stadium tonight! The crowd claps again because the kids have fallen asleep (and the Mary Poppins now have a shot at the Doctors!)

Aaaaah, now I see it.. the British have learnt how to change the color of the roof of the stadium :) Cheers!

Rattle is now playing the Orchestra. If you are still awake, this might be your chance to get lulled into slumber. Oh wow, we have Mr Bean too... banging away at the piano. Let me get back to you on whether this is a comedy sequence... by the way, there's some seriously beautiful music being played... my favourite... though I am uneducated enough in music to be unable to tell you what composition it is... Ok Mr Bean, you can use another finger now before you get RSI.

OK, we cut to TV visuals of emancipated men, includnig Mr Bean, running on a beach in ill fitted white uniforms. Significance, someone?

The commentator clarifies - I havent touched the microphone for the last 15-20 mins.

Mr Bean bangs on the piano at the end of the piece... and the commentatory gushes, the best of British humour!

Thank god, it's yet another commercial break for some amazing Indian commercials.

Anyone reading this - your comments would be the shining light in this dark British night. So do let me know - am I the only one disillusioned with this utter nonsense of a ceremony, a waste of hundreds of millions of pounds!

And now we have a piece on the "Internet" generation... young girls dancing while text messages "pop" up  - what are you wearing? where are you going tonight? you are looking hot baby! Really??? Did I manage to switch to a shady Channel V by mistake?

Everytime the camera zooms in to the folks on the ground, you can see their utter confusion seeing what they are doing to themselves! Hey Danny, we didn't sign up for this!

A quick check of stats reveals a lot of readers hitting this blog by searching on "Olympic ceremony boring"... LOL.. interesting! Don't worry guys, you aren't alone! This crazy Indian is actually sacrificing his sleep for this, and he isn't even getting paid for it!

I am kinda losing the plot now - I find my own blog more interesting, lol...

Focus, Siddhesh, focus!

Head banging old men and women... aaaah, parents of the girls on the night out? Did I miss something? Why do we have pumpkin heads jumping up and down? Did I just read something in the stands about going to hell?

After centuries of ruling over its colonies, you have expected them to borrow at least some of the varied and beautiful cultures around the world?

Come on guys, even your cricket would be more interesting at it's worst!

The commentator wakes up to remind us, its quite spectacular, seconds before ESPN decides to entertain with some great commercials... we not gonna miss anything important anyway, they reckon! And so right they are!

OK guys, frankly, I can take nonsense only this long.. so I am signing off, unless something changes drastically... and being an eternal optimistic, I am hopeful it will. Until then, with my recently acquired still upper lip, bbye...

Am back - trying to keep myself entertained with myself, lol...

OK, let's try this - name any thing that would be more boring than this ceremony.

Come on, come on, tell me - send me your comments! I am sure you can find something...

Here, let me help.

How about, hmmm, awww, hmmm.... come on, Sid, there's gotta be something more boring?

Recognize the driver, it's Beckham of course, exclaims the commentator in glee. At last, he finds something more boring... lol...

Aaah, we have some more nerds now..  a blazing sun, and some high-on-steroid creatures shaking their torsos in a "fusion" of dance "styles" from a dozen countries including India. Danny, you sure you didn't pick it from an asylum here?

The British are really good at this - everything there's the slightest hint of energy flowing, they find just the right music to bring it all back to "normal". Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Guy in white picks up boy in white, and carries him into crowd in black while the song ends and the crowd ends in raptures. Such clarity in voice, exclaims the commentator... lol, yes right, I just thought it were my Bose speakers.

And finally, just when it seemed life was not gonna get any better, redemption has probably made a tiny entry - the athletes start entering... with Greece leading the procession. 204 nations participating in these Olympics. And its time for commercials.

Commercials rarely looked so beautiful, so energetic, so entertaining! It's something about the Olympics, I guess! Makes everything look better?

OK, I promise, no more criticism of the opening ceremony. After all, we are still awake and waiting for more, aren't we? Even in the darkest hour, I see light. Even if it's not emanating from the stadium!

Oh wow, the Argetinian flag bearer, member of the hockey team, is a stunner. Life's beautiful again!

Did you know the Australians are a monarchy, and still look up to the Queen of England as their Head? Interesting, isn't it? Boy, am I glad India became a Republic? Else I'd be hanged for this blasphemous post against HM!

Hey man, that flag is gonna poke you where it hurts the most! The flag pole doesn't need ball bearings, you know!

It's 3:00 am in India, and at least one fool is still awake, writing this instead of curling up in bed. Aaah, the Olympics makes you do stupid things...

ESPN it running ads for the last 4 mins now - and I must say, it's the smart thing to do.

British Virgin Islands - participating as a separate contingent. Interesting! Just checked on Wikipedia - there's also American and Spanish Virgin Islands! And they have a population slightly bigger than my apartment complex, I guess :)

Burkina Faso, Burundi, Cameroon - three beautifully attired teams! Love the Africans... their vigor, their energy, the color, the brightness... aah, beautiful!

ESPN breaks again - and they better not miss the Indian contingent.. man, I am gonna be PISSED!

The big Chinese contingent comes on now.. resplendent in red. The Chinese have never won a medal in swimming it seems... hard to believe that! Will it change this time?

Comoros Islands...

Cook Islands... beautiful head dress...

Cote D'Ivoire... assuming that's Ivory Coast, in a pronunciation I find impossible to deliver...

Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia, screams the banner - gotta check, is that the formal name? And Wikipedia says, yes it is! Wow!

Germany gets a rousing welcome.

"Hong Kong, China"... very, very interesting again! A separate contingent, huh?

INDIAAAAA..... Yellow sarees, yellow turbans... but a very shabby uniform, I am sad to say. The supplier chosen by the IOC has been criticized for its very poor quality deliverables, to a point where the athletes are gonna be very worried about wardrobe mishaps!

A very, very smart Iraqi flag bearer... the commentator laughs, then apologizes - says God is Great just once on the flag, but larger - compared to Iran, I guess...

Huge cheers for Ireland

Usain Bolt leads Jamaica, followed by the Red and White of the Japanese contingent. Is Sumo an Olympic sport?

A beautiful Jordanian flag bearer, looks like a princess, wonderful attire too.

Lao People's Democratic Republic. The official name for Laos.

All these tiny countries (and I am not referring to Laos) - how do the people of these countries find their identity? What do they cheer for? How do they get their resources, what is their history liek? I would so love to travel and find out!

Micronesia... over 600 islands!

Can you believe Danny Boyle spent around 45M USD on this damp squib? It's a real shame!

LOL, a comment on twitter says - should have had some naked Brits running around, would have been more entertaining! :)

With that, I have had enough for tonight... so here's another of Danny Boyle's Indians signing off... Good Night and Happy Olympics!